Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
