Soap is not a condiment
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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