its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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