guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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