And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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