Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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