I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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