I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
