Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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