Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
