Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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