I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
