I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize