he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
