Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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