Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
