hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
