what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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