Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
