laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize