and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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