i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
