PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
