ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
