i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
