i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
