Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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