Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
