Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
