he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
