lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
