i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
