ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
