I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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