don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
