Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
