im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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