Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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