this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
