You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
