Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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