the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize