i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
