Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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