I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
