shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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