What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
