you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
