Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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