he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
