and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Congratulations! We have a period
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