I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
