Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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