Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
