So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
