Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
operation harelip BJ is a go
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
