Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
