Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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