I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
