My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
