Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
