Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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