Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize