The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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