is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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