So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
