bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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