i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
