Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize