im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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