I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
