That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
