dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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