What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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