My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
