You smell like a Billy Joel song
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
