I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
