it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
