So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
