no, he came in my armpit
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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