best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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