Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
