I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
50% drunk capacity currently
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
