i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
