Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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