She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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