all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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