I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I look better un-naked...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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