Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
