dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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