I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
