I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
