yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
