the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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