Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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