how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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