69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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