He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Damn victory sex feels great
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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